Ken Lovelace Ministries


F a i t h M a t t e r s with Dr. Ken Lovelace Emphasis: Fatherly Advice A Little Fatherly Advice - Part 1 It was a typical scenario. There was a group of young boys debating whose father was the best, and one of the fathers happened to be eavesdropping. The discussion was very interesting because it highlighted who their fathers knew. The fist boy started the debate by claiming his father knew the mayor. He was soon topped by the second boy who said, "That's nothing. My dad knows the governor." The stakes were getting pretty high, and the eavesdropping father wondered what his young son would say about him. The little boy shot back, "So what! My dad knows God!" It's interesting to consider, isn't it fathers, what our children might say about us? Over the years, parents and leaders have cried out to God to give us men and women of God to lead our country and set the example for our nation. But before God gives us godly men and women, He first of all gives us boys and girls; and these boys and girls must be forged into men and women of God. Fortunately, God has provided an instruction manual for doing just that: the Word of God. In the book of Proverbs, we find a goldmine of fatherly advice to help turn demanding and misguided children into contributing adults. Just because I have 10 children doesn't mean I have mastered fatherhood. But I do work hard to instill in them the truths my Father has revealed to me. Over the next few weeks, I invite you to think with me about 5 areas of our children's lives that need a little fatherly (and motherly) attention. We will work together to glean valuable insight from the Word of God. Let's consider the first of five truths a good father teaches his children. I. A Good Father Teaches Them To Stand Alone The text for this principle is found in Proverbs 1:10-19 and it highlights the need to teach our children the importance of having biblical convictions and being willing to stand up for them, even when that means standing alone. Consider this passage from The Message: Pay close attention, friend, to what your father tells you; never forget what you learned at your mother's knee. Wear their counsel like flowers in your hair, like rings on your fingers. Dear friend, if bad companions tempt you, don't go along with them. If they say-"Let's go out and raise some hell. Let's beat up some old man, mug some old woman. Let's pick them clean and get them ready for their funerals. We'll load up on top-quality loot. We'll haul it home by the truckload. Join us for the time of your life! With us, it's share and share alike!"- Oh, friend, don't give them a second look; don't listen to them for a minute. They're racing to a very bad end, hurrying to ruin everything they lay hands on. Nobody robs a bank with everyone watching, Yet that's what these people are doing- they're doing themselves in. When you grab all you can get, that's what happens: the more you get, the less you are. Essentially, Solomon is saying that if the crowd is straying from the path that has been very clearly laid out by God, then follow the path and not the crowd. Our child's peer group is probably not made up of friends who are actively seeking God. For that reason, it is imperative that we as fathers teach our children about the relentless pressure to conform and follow the pack and why they need to avoid that. And if pointing out the right path proves not to be enough, then changing peer groups may be the only smart choice. Several years ago, Dr. Ruth Berenda and a group of fellow psychologists rediscovered the dramatic power of societal pressure. In an experiment they invited ten teenagers into a room where three charts were displayed. Each chart had three lines of different lengths. The group members were asked to raise their hands when the teacher pointed to the longest line on each chart. One teen in each group did not know that the other nine teens had been instructed to raise their hands when the teacher pointed to the second longest line. The lone teen frequently looked somewhat confused but cast a wrong vote with the other nine students. Dr. Berenda's data revealed that 75% of the teens allowed peer pressure to override their own better judgment. That's why we as fathers must teach our children to choose what's right rather than what's popular. Proverbs 13:20 says, "He who walks with wise men will be wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm." Changing friends is a painful and difficult experience, but parents can do at least two things to encourage their children to take that step on their own. A. Teach Them What A Good Friend Really Is Write out a list of qualities and have your children evaluate their present friendships in light of them. Then have them set their sights on the kinds of friends they would like to have. Good friends, godly friends, are probably not the first one's our children seek out on their own. But our guidance, and the good peer pressure we as parents can offer, may open their eyes to see the benefits of choosing friends well. B. Remind Them of the Consequences of Wrong Psalm 73 does a great job of teaching us not to envy those who break the law but to consider the consequences of their actions: But as for me, my feet had almost slipped; I had nearly lost my foothold. For I envied the arrogant when I saw the prosperity of the wicked . . . till I entered the sanctuary of God; then I understood their final destiny . . . how suddenly they were destroyed, completely swept away by terrors! Those who are far from You will perish (2-3, 17, 19, 27a). Since children are impressionable, showing the end result of wrong behavior is essential for them to be able to withstand the magnetic pull of their peer group. One of my good friends in high school either didn't have a father who gave him these warnings or chose to ignore warnings about the friends he hung around with. Before long, he was drinking and doing drugs with them. In just a little while, they had convinced him to sell drugs and some months later he, unknowingly, sold cocaine to an under-cover police officer. It cost him his freedom and he went to prison to pay for his mistake. A good father reminds his children of the consequences of wrong choices and wrong actions. Next time we'll consider "A Good Father Teaches Them To Be Open To God's Counsel." In the meantime, develop an action plan for implementing this first one. Copyright © 2009. Faith Matters by Dr. Ken Lovelace. All rights reserved. KDT100509

F a i t h M a t t e r s
with Dr. Ken Lovelace
Emphasis: Fatherly Advice

A Little Fatherly Advice - Part 1

It was a typical scenario. There was a group of young boys debating whose father was the best, and one of the fathers happened to be eavesdropping. The discussion was very interesting because it highlighted who their fathers knew. The fist boy started the debate by claiming his father knew the mayor. He was soon topped by the second boy who said, "That's nothing. My dad knows the governor." The stakes were getting pretty high, and the eavesdropping father wondered what his young son would say about him. The little boy shot back, "So what! My dad knows God!" It's interesting to consider, isn't it fathers, what our children might say about us?

Over the years, parents and leaders have cried out to God to give us men and women of God to lead our country and set the example for our nation. But before God gives us godly men and women, He first of all gives us boys and girls; and these boys and girls must be forged into men and women of God. Fortunately, God has provided an instruction manual for doing just that: the Word of God. In the book of Proverbs, we find a goldmine of fatherly advice to help turn demanding and misguided children into contributing adults.

Just because I have 10 children doesn't mean I have mastered fatherhood. But I do work hard to instill in them the truths my Father has revealed to me. Over the next few weeks, I invite you to think with me about 5 areas of our children's lives that need a little fatherly (and motherly) attention. We will work together to glean valuable insight from the Word of God. Let's consider the first of five truths a good father teaches his children.

I. A Good Father Teaches Them To Stand Alone

The text for this principle is found in Proverbs 1:10-19 and it highlights the need to teach our children the importance of having biblical convictions and being willing to stand up for them, even when that means standing alone. Consider this passage from The Message:

Pay close attention, friend, to what your father tells you;
never forget what you learned at your mother's knee.

Wear their counsel like flowers in your hair,
like rings on your fingers.

Dear friend, if bad companions tempt you,
don't go along with them.

If they say-"Let's go out and raise some hell.
Let's beat up some old man, mug some old woman.

Let's pick them clean
and get them ready for their funerals.

We'll load up on top-quality loot.
We'll haul it home by the truckload.

Join us for the time of your life!
With us, it's share and share alike!"-

Oh, friend, don't give them a second look;
don't listen to them for a minute.

They're racing to a very bad end,
hurrying to ruin everything they lay hands on.

Nobody robs a bank
with everyone watching,
Yet that's what these people are doing-
they're doing themselves in.

When you grab all you can get, that's what happens:
the more you get, the less you are.

Essentially, Solomon is saying that if the crowd is straying from the path that has been very clearly laid out by God, then follow the path and not the crowd.

Our child's peer group is probably not made up of friends who are actively seeking God. For that reason, it is imperative that we as fathers teach our children about the relentless pressure to conform and follow the pack and why they need to avoid that. And if pointing out the right path proves not to be enough, then changing peer groups may be the only smart choice.

Several years ago, Dr. Ruth Berenda and a group of fellow psychologists rediscovered the dramatic power of societal pressure. In an experiment they invited ten teenagers into a room where three charts were displayed. Each chart had three lines of different lengths. The group members were asked to raise their hands when the teacher pointed to the longest line on each chart.

One teen in each group did not know that the other nine teens had been instructed to raise their hands when the teacher pointed to the second longest line. The lone teen frequently looked somewhat confused but cast a wrong vote with the other nine students. Dr. Berenda's data revealed that 75% of the teens allowed peer pressure to override their own better judgment. That's why we as fathers must teach our children to choose what's right rather than what's popular.

Proverbs 13:20 says, "He who walks with wise men will be wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm."

Changing friends is a painful and difficult experience, but parents can do at least two things to encourage their children to take that step on their own.

A. Teach Them What A Good Friend Really Is

Write out a list of qualities and have your children evaluate their present friendships in light of them. Then have them set their sights on the kinds of friends they would like to have.

Good friends, godly friends, are probably not the first one's our children seek out on their own. But our guidance, and the good peer pressure we as parents can offer, may open their eyes to see the benefits of choosing friends well.

B. Remind Them of the Consequences of Wrong

Psalm 73 does a great job of teaching us not to envy those who break the law but to consider the consequences of their actions:

But as for me, my feet had almost slipped;

         I had nearly lost my foothold.

For I envied the arrogant when I saw the prosperity of the wicked . . .

        till I entered the sanctuary of God; then I understood their final destiny . . .

        how suddenly they were destroyed, completely swept away by terrors!

Those who are far from You will perish (2-3, 17, 19, 27a).

Since children are impressionable, showing the end result of wrong behavior is essential for them to be able to withstand the magnetic pull of their peer group.

One of my good friends in high school either didn't have a father who gave him these warnings or chose to ignore warnings about the friends he hung around with. Before long, he was drinking and doing drugs with them. In just a little while, they had convinced him to sell drugs and some months later he, unknowingly, sold cocaine to an under-cover police officer. It cost him his freedom and he went to prison to pay for his mistake.

A good father reminds his children of the consequences of wrong choices and wrong actions.

Next time we'll consider "A Good Father Teaches Them To Be Open To God's Counsel." In the meantime, develop an action plan for implementing this first one.

Copyright © 2009. Faith Matters by Dr. Ken Lovelace. All rights reserved.

KDT100509