Ken Lovelace Ministries


F a i t h M a t t e r s with Dr. Ken Lovelace Emphasis: Survivor Series Surviving Divorce -- Deuteronomy 22:19; 1 Samuel 17 On July 29, 1981, in St. Paul's Cathedral, a wedding was performed that will live in our memory for a lifetime. While 750 million viewers looked-on around the world, Charles Philip Arthur George, age 32, married Lady Diana Frances Spencer, age 20. It was a wedding that made history. On July 12, 1996, almost fifteen years later, CNN-London reported that "The last chapter of the storybook marriage of Britain's Charles and Diana has been written by lawyers. It does not include the words "happily ever after." The split, which their lawyers said would be final August 28, brings an end to a soap opera of tears, betrayal, bulimia, and emotional distress." The impact of that divorce reverberated across the world. The fairytale wedding, believed to be true and lasting, failed miserably before God and the world. Some would argue that if divorce can affect the royal family, it could affect anyone. I. A Biblical Perspective of Divorce The Bible actually has many references to divorce. Let's consider a few of them. A. Old Testament References Dt. 22:19 - They shall fine him a hundred shekels of silver and give them to the girl's father, because this man has given an Israelite virgin a bad name. She shall continue to be his wife; he must not divorce her as long as he lives. Now, that phrase, a hundred shekels of silver, reflects a heavy fine--several times what Hosea paid to buy Gomer back (Hos 3:2). It may have been about twice the average bride-price. The high fine, in addition to the no-divorce rule, was intended to restrain not only a husband's charges against his wife, but also easy divorce. Mal. 2:15-16 - Has not the LORD made them one? In flesh and spirit they are his. And why one? Because he was seeking godly offspring. So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith with the wife of your youth. 16"I hate divorce," says the LORD God of Israel, "and I hate a man's covering himself with violence as well as with his garment," says the LORD Almighty. So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith. Malachi rebukes the people--in a passage framed by references to "breaking faith." Two examples of their sin are specifically mentioned: marrying pagan women and divorce. So, what have we learned so far? First, God made divorce difficult by making it expensive. Why? Because, second, God hates divorce. He hates it. It's breaking a covenant, it's breaking faith. "But pastor, doesn't God permit it under certain circumstances?" Yes, and we'll look at His guidelines, but that doesn't mean He hates it any less. B. New Testament References Look with me at Matt. 5:31-32 - Here, in Jesus' Sermon on the Mount, He references Moses Law and then expounds on it. He said: 31"It has been said, `Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce.' 32But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery.'" And then in Matt. 19:3-9, He adds this: "Some Pharisees came to him to test him. They asked, 'Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?' 'Haven't you read," he replied, 'that at the beginning the Creator `made them male and female,' and said, `For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh'? So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.' 'Why then,' they asked, 'did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away? Jesus replied, 'Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery." Bottom line, except for marital unfaithfulness, divorce is wrong. It breaks faith, it breaks covenants, and it leaves nothing but devastation in its wake. In her book Marriage Partnership, Margaret Atwood wrote: "A divorce is like an amputation. You survive, but there's less of you." Divorce is a horrible thing. It helps no one and hurts everyone… especially the kids. Judith Wallerstein wrote: "Almost half of children of divorces enter adulthood as worried, under-achieving, self-depreciating, and sometimes angry young men and women. Three out of five youngsters feel rejected by at least one parent, and half grow up in settings in which the parents continue warring with each other even after the divorce." So now we know, according to God, that divorce is wrong, it's devastating, and it should be avoided. I think most of us knew that already, but I wanted to revisit a few of the 34 biblical passages relating to divorce just to refresh our memories. Though that's important, that's not the primary focus of this message. Let's get to that as we think secondly about… II. What Is Divorce? The clock reads 2:13 p.m., on a Tuesday afternoon. Suddenly, without warning, you are served with papers stating that your spouse has filed for divorce. Every question possible floods your mind. "Why? What am I going to do? Where will I go? How will I survive?" As the weeks go by, you begin to wonder: --> "Do the children hear me crying at night? Do they hear me and just don't know what to say or do?" --> "Do the ever-darkening bags under my eyes shout to the world, 'I'm hurting…help me?'" --> "Do my watery eyes reveal the sadness of my heart? I'm really hurting. Where is God anyway?" --> "Life really isn't worth living anymore, is it? Why should I torture myself and endure this never ending pain?" --> "Will anyone ever love me again? Will anyone ever hold me again. I feel so alone. Doesn't anyone care?" Thoughts begin running through your head that shock even you. You wonder, "Where did that come from?" In this day and age, I don't think I know anyone whose not been touched by divorce in one way or another. If death is considered to be one of the toughest issues for a spouse to deal with, divorce is one issue that rates right up there with it. One very important difference, though, is that with death, at least there's finality. Not so with divorce. I want us to consider this issue of divorce with two acrostics: DIVORCE and HOPE. First, let's think about divorce as an acrostic for a moment. D - Divorce is Devastating - The old saying, "This changes everything" could not be more true than when divorce strikes. Dreams die, hopes hang in the balance, and the future, well, you'd just as soon there not be a future. I - Insecurity Permeates All That You Are - The person who was once secure, confident, aggressive, and knew what they wanted in life suddenly finds themselves dealing with insecurities they didn't know they had. V - Victory Seems An Illusion - People tell you, "You'll get over it! And one day your life will again bear some semblance of normalcy," but right now, you don't believe it and you don't want to hear it. O - Ordinary is How You Feel - Those "I'm on top of the world" feelings quickly fade as you wonder if anyone could be any more ordinary than you. Along with those feelings of insecurity come nagging questions of your worth. R - Rejection Has Never Hurt Worse - Having shared all your hopes, all your dreams, all your concerns, and all your intimate moments with this one, special person, makes the rejection of divorce incredibly intense. Everything you are and everything you've shared in confidence has been violated, making divorce more painful than death itself. C - Cynicism Closes In - During these difficult weeks and months, the strength-robbing ogre of cynicism begins his awful work of tainting your attitudes and depressing your soul. E - Exhaustion Sets In - Suddenly, there is twice the work, twice the worry, and twice the responsibility as before. Trying to be a parent, an employee, a cook, a cleaning service, a tutor, and so much more, you begin to find yourself going to bed later and later…not that you could sleep anyway. If divorce sounds horrible, it's worse than horrible. If divorce sounds ugly, it's worse than ugly. Only the death of a spouse can compare, and even that is debatable. So what does one do? Is there hope for the divorced? Yes, there really is. Check back next time as we consider the wonderfully encouraging acrostic: H.O.P.E. Copyright © 2010. Faith Matters by Dr. Ken Lovelace. All rights reserved. KDT012510

F a i t h M a t t e r s
with Dr. Ken Lovelace
Emphasis: Survivor Series

Surviving Divorce -- Deuteronomy 22:19; 1 Samuel 17

On July 29, 1981, in St. Paul's Cathedral, a wedding was performed that will live in our memory for a lifetime. While 750 million viewers looked-on around the world, Charles Philip Arthur George, age 32, married Lady Diana Frances Spencer, age 20. It was a wedding that made history.

On July 12, 1996, almost fifteen years later, CNN-London reported that "The last chapter of the storybook marriage of Britain's Charles and Diana has been written by lawyers. It does not include the words "happily ever after."

The split, which their lawyers said would be final August 28, brings an end to a soap opera of tears, betrayal, bulimia, and emotional distress."

The impact of that divorce reverberated across the world. The fairytale wedding, believed to be true and lasting, failed miserably before God and the world. Some would argue that if divorce can affect the royal family, it could affect anyone.

I. A Biblical Perspective of Divorce

The Bible actually has many references to divorce. Let's consider a few of them.

A. Old Testament References

Dt. 22:19 - They shall fine him a hundred shekels of silver and give them to the girl's father, because this man has given an Israelite virgin a bad name. She shall continue to be his wife; he must not divorce her as long as he lives.

Now, that phrase, a hundred shekels of silver, reflects a heavy fine--several times what Hosea paid to buy Gomer back (Hos 3:2). It may have been about twice the average bride-price. The high fine, in addition to the no-divorce rule, was intended to restrain not only a husband's charges against his wife, but also easy divorce.

Mal. 2:15-16 - Has not the LORD made them one? In flesh and spirit they are his. And why one? Because he was seeking godly offspring. So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith with the wife of your youth. 16"I hate divorce," says the LORD God of Israel, "and I hate a man's covering himself with violence as well as with his garment," says the LORD Almighty. So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith.

Malachi rebukes the people--in a passage framed by references to "breaking faith." Two examples of their sin are specifically mentioned: marrying pagan women and divorce.

So, what have we learned so far? First, God made divorce difficult by making it expensive. Why? Because, second, God hates divorce. He hates it. It's breaking a covenant, it's breaking faith.

"But pastor, doesn't God permit it under certain circumstances?" Yes, and we'll look at His guidelines, but that doesn't mean He hates it any less.

B. New Testament References

Look with me at Matt. 5:31-32 - Here, in Jesus' Sermon on the Mount, He references Moses Law and then expounds on it. He said: 31"It has been said, `Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce.' 32But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery.'"

And then in Matt. 19:3-9, He adds this: "Some Pharisees came to him to test him. They asked, 'Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?' 'Haven't you read," he replied, 'that at the beginning the Creator `made them male and female,' and said, `For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh'? So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.' 'Why then,' they asked, 'did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away? Jesus replied, 'Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery."

Bottom line, except for marital unfaithfulness, divorce is wrong. It breaks faith, it breaks covenants, and it leaves nothing but devastation in its wake. In her book Marriage Partnership, Margaret Atwood wrote: "A divorce is like an amputation. You survive, but there's less of you."

Divorce is a horrible thing. It helps no one and hurts everyone… especially the kids. Judith Wallerstein wrote: "Almost half of children of divorces enter adulthood as worried, under-achieving, self-depreciating, and sometimes angry young men and women. Three out of five youngsters feel rejected by at least one parent, and half grow up in settings in which the parents continue warring with each other even after the divorce."

So now we know, according to God, that divorce is wrong, it's devastating, and it should be avoided. I think most of us knew that already, but I wanted to revisit a few of the 34 biblical passages relating to divorce just to refresh our memories. Though that's important, that's not the primary focus of this message. Let's get to that as we think secondly about…

II. What Is Divorce?

The clock reads 2:13 p.m., on a Tuesday afternoon. Suddenly, without warning, you are served with papers stating that your spouse has filed for divorce. Every question possible floods your mind. "Why? What am I going to do? Where will I go? How will I survive?" As the weeks go by, you begin to wonder:

--> "Do the children hear me crying at night? Do they hear me and just don't know what to
       say or do?"
--> "Do the ever-darkening bags under my eyes shout to the world, 'I'm hurting…help me?'"
--> "Do my watery eyes reveal the sadness of my heart? I'm really hurting. Where is God
       anyway?"
--> "Life really isn't worth living anymore, is it? Why should I torture myself and endure this
       never ending pain?"
--> "Will anyone ever love me again? Will anyone ever hold me again. I feel so alone. Doesn't
       anyone care?"

Thoughts begin running through your head that shock even you. You wonder, "Where did that come from?"

In this day and age, I don't think I know anyone whose not been touched by divorce in one way or another. If death is considered to be one of the toughest issues for a spouse to deal with, divorce is one issue that rates right up there with it. One very important difference, though, is that with death, at least there's finality. Not so with divorce. I want us to consider this issue of divorce with two acrostics: DIVORCE and HOPE. First, let's think about divorce as an acrostic for a moment.

D - Divorce is Devastating - The old saying, "This changes everything" could not be more true than when divorce strikes. Dreams die, hopes hang in the balance, and the future, well, you'd just as soon there not be a future.

I - Insecurity Permeates All That You Are - The person who was once secure, confident, aggressive, and knew what they wanted in life suddenly finds themselves dealing with insecurities they didn't know they had.

V - Victory Seems An Illusion - People tell you, "You'll get over it! And one day your life will again bear some semblance of normalcy," but right now, you don't believe it and you don't want to hear it.

O - Ordinary is How You Feel - Those "I'm on top of the world" feelings quickly fade as you wonder if anyone could be any more ordinary than you. Along with those feelings of insecurity come nagging questions of your worth.

R - Rejection Has Never Hurt Worse - Having shared all your hopes, all your dreams, all your concerns, and all your intimate moments with this one, special person, makes the rejection of divorce incredibly intense. Everything you are and everything you've shared in confidence has been violated, making divorce more painful than death itself.

C - Cynicism Closes In - During these difficult weeks and months, the strength-robbing ogre of cynicism begins his awful work of tainting your attitudes and depressing your soul.

E - Exhaustion Sets In - Suddenly, there is twice the work, twice the worry, and twice the responsibility as before. Trying to be a parent, an employee, a cook, a cleaning service, a tutor, and so much more, you begin to find yourself going to bed later and later…not that you could sleep anyway.

If divorce sounds horrible, it's worse than horrible. If divorce sounds ugly, it's worse than ugly. Only the death of a spouse can compare, and even that is debatable. So what does one do? Is there hope for the divorced? Yes, there really is.

Check back next time as we consider the wonderfully encouraging acrostic: H.O.P.E.

Copyright © 2010. Faith Matters by Dr. Ken Lovelace. All rights reserved.

KDT012510